The Art of Gathering Series
One of my teenagers joined the local canoe paddling team in our small town for the first time this year. New sport, new peers, new challenges. Within a week or so she came home chattering about this friend or that and the adventures they wanted to have.
I wondered why she was often making new friends and filling up her social calendar more than I was. Oh right. I’m the lady driving her around from event to event, sitting alone in the car with my iced coffee and podcasts.
For most kids, friendships are simple because of proximity and common interests. In contrast, motherhood becomes isolated and lonely, despite the fact that we feel busier than ever, schedules packed to the gills.
Many of us have moved far from our homes of origin, leaving the places where we were known. Our busyness belies the fact that we are spending much of that time wrangling children, not spending the quality time with people we crave. We make plenty of acquaintances at soccer games and school functions but may struggle to develop the deeper relationships that ground us.
The irony is that we are surrounded by people all day long, either our children or co-workers. But those people tend to drain our resources and not replenish it. In the modern home there is little space left for the needs of the mom, even as she juggles and holds the schedules of everyone together.
This is the mom’s role: desperately needed. But what is it that we desperately need to feel fulfilled?
I believe one of the answers lies in authentic friendship with other women. We need to invest in our own needs for connection and the joy that comes from it. Part of that effort requires returning to the simple connecting ways of our youth and making space for new friendships to take root.
I believe one of the answers lies in authentic friendship with other women.
Angie Gibbons
Five Keys To Creating Life Giving Friendships
Be the inviter
We are often waiting for someone to invite us. We feel we are on the outside looking in at the fun others are having and wondering why we can’t seem to be part of the group. Typically, those who are most engaged socially are actually doing the inviting. Once you start reaching out to neighbors, co-workers, workout buddies, and church friends, you may be surprised at how relieved and thrilled people are to be included. If the prospect of being an inviter is terrifying, start with the low hanging fruit. Ask one person to coffee.
Start with vulnerability
One of the keys to real relationship is vulnerability. How many people pass through your life and you never have more than a surface conversation? For relationships to become meaningful, there must be a level of honesty, and it starts with you. As soon as you open up, even a little, you signal that you are not above anyone and are open to real dialogue. If vulnerability is not the norm in your current relationships, make a decision that the next time you are together you will broach a subject that opens up the conversation a bit. You can also do this by asking a good question.
Gather around something engaging
It doesn’t take much to make a group of women feel welcomed and happy. Don’t worry about what Pinterest says a fabulous gathering looks like. A great gathering is just people and something engaging to gather around. Whatever things interest you surely interest some of the women in your circle. It might be books, food, walking, a sport, gardening. Plan a regular hang out around an activity you love, add some food, and you have a great event. Keep it simple to keep your stress low and encourage repetition.
Be the kind of safe space you need
It’s true what they say–everyone has a sad story to tell. On any given day, some of the women you are around are going through the hardest moments of their lives. Focus on asking more questions and spending more time listening than talking. When someone dares to open up, be a safe and non-judgmental soft place for them to land. You never know when you will need that favor returned.
Pour on the grace
Most moms deal with a big helping of shame throughout the week about all of the things they feel they are not doing or doing wrong. Spending time with women is an opportunity to call out the good you see in them and to remind them of the grace they live in. This is the kind of culture each of us wants to live in. It is contagious and will grow as you nurture it.
Spending time with women is an opportunity to call out
Angie Gibbons
the good you see in them and to remind them of the grace they live in. This is the kind of culture
each of us wants to live in. It is contagious and will grow as you nurture it.
Anything worth having takes a little time and effort. You may have to be patient along this friend journey. But consider what you want your life to look like in 5 years, what kinds of friendships you want to have, what kinds of activities you want to sprinkle throughout your days, what would make it feel meaningful. Start taking the small, brave steps today that will create that life you really want, and actually desperately need.
May the God of Peace…, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Hebrews 13:21
Angie Gibbons is the founder of the Dawn devotional app, a Christian life coach, and author. Her passion is to empower women to embrace their season of life, reduce their stress, and rediscover their joy. She lives in Kailua, Hawaii, with her family and loves supporting marriages and families through local ministry and walking the beach with husband and three daughters.
You can find the app at gatheratdawn.com and connect with her at angiegibbons.com
A Simple Charcuterie Guide
What a perfect time to start honing your charcuterie skills with the holidays here! I have just the right thing to help you feel ready and confident while you gather. I created this simple and beautiful charcuterie guide for you. In my opinion it’s cute enough to display and then it would always be available for you! Plus, I am always honored to offer you practical content for purposeful and life giving time around the table. Check it out by clicking on the graphic below!
Daisy F. Dronen 